Thomas and I were practicing yesterday in the little church. As we played, more people came in. We were not giving a concert, but the church is open, anyone can enter. Years ago that would have freaked me out – so many things and people out of my control.
I am not a religious sort, but I do love when the energy of “spirit” so much greater then my feeble mind and restless thinking takes me over. Easy for that to happen in so sweet a church with such welcoming acoustics. Just what I teach my students – to let the music “sing” you. It did! And with Thomas’s lovely lines of music (he is also listening for this), there was something holding us and loving us.
We had never played before but with that much grace you can’t do it wrong. After the magical music, we climbed the many steps to my little apartment to warm up, Thomas was telling me how simple it all is. Really. We will have our first concerts tomorrow and Wed, and then who knows if we meet again. So for me, that already begins the daunting thoughts of: “I better be good enough or he won’t like me, and won’t ever play with me again!” What is the medicine against those thoughts? I didn’t ask Thomas, I didn’t want him to know I felt any fear. But as if reading my mind, he said:
“The key is, that whatever you play, whatever song, whatever kind of music, you are really in it. If you are in it, then I will feel it and I will be able to play and the audience will love it no matter what. It really is that simple.”
Again, I only nodded in agreement, because I do in essence agree … and yet what I am still learning is to trust the simplicity of “being in the song.” That I am allowed to be there, to love the song, even if I don’t know yet if others will like it, even if it feels a bit raw and ridiculous. The songs that are tried and true, songs I wrote a while ago are easier to feel this. But the new songs – there’s a challenge of trust. So dear ‘grace’ be with me, and help give me the courage to go forward with what I love, with full conviction to be in that love!! Ironically, just the words I ended my book: ‘Pandora Learns to Sing’ with … but for all of us who do music, who yearn to do music, let’s remember that it can be that simple!